A Loveless girl who CLAMPed a Fruits Basket

Well, i'm back from Ireland, it was amazing. I'll write more about it as soon as i feel better.
I also went to Orlando. It was fun and much less tiring than every other time i had gone in the past.

But i'm feeling miserable right now.

Yesterday, while i was still in Orlando, my cat Coco died suddenly due to a head injury. Nobody knows what happened, but there are 3 theories.

1- A car ran him over
2- Some bastard kicked him on the head
3- He fell and landed on his head (quite unlikely)

It kills me that i was so far away when he died. I could do nothing to help him. When i came back to Mexico he was already dead. He spent a whole day in a coma, and fought like a champ to get better according to the doctors, but in the end, his injury was too much for his little body.

My poor baby...

He had a very difficult beginning, since he was abandoned as a kitten and spent around 2 years living on the streets. But i adopted him (against my family's  wishes BTW)  and i sincerely believe that he lived his remaining 5 years happy and with much love from everyone here.

I can't trust people, but i completely trusted my cat. He relieved my loneliness, healed my heart, and made me feel that at least i was being useful to someone. That someone needed me, 'cuz little Coco actually needed me and loved me in the simple, pure way only an animal can.

He was like my son. And he was my familiar spirit. (as in a witch's familiar). I've had several pets throughout my life. But you just feel it when one of your companion animals has a deeper bond with you than the others did. Coco was very special to me. And i truly felt that i was special to him too.

I miss him so much.

Farewell little one.





My Sweetie showing his cute little spots and pretty blue eyes.

Weirdness

The other day, i had a dream. In this dream i was pregnant. Not too weird right? Well, after a little while, it was time to give birth to my baby but... i ... I had PUPPIES!!!! o_0;;;  There was a black, a grey, a harlequin (black & white), and a brown one.
I don't remember at all the moment when i MADE the puppies (thank goodness =__=) or who was the lucky father XD!
And the funny thing was, that when i woke up, i was sad that i had no puppies in real life ;__;

Pfft! Good thing i go to therapy, hehe.

Holy sh**! This confirms one of my fears... Does this mean i'm a BITCH? 0.0  XDDD

In other news, i'm learning horseback riding! I'm glad cuz in a while i'm gonna be able to ride my horse Syaoran. I found a trainer for him who uses really gentle methods to teach him to accept a rider, and a teacher for me that's showing me how to relay commands with legs and voice, instead of having to hurt my horse pulling at his mouth with the ermm... strap thingies (whats the name of those things attached to the horse's head?...).
I'm learning to use those things too, but i'm being taught not to rely too much on them to ride Syaoran. ^__^

What else... Oh, i also started bellydance classes. My sister blackmailed me into attending the class with her. It appears I'm not a lost cause at this type of dance. It's too early to tell though, we'll see what i think in a year (if i last that long). I attended ballet classes for 8 yrs. and in the end it turned out i wasn't very good at it. >__>

The final bit of news, is that this Friday i'm going to Ireland for 2 weeks with one of my best friends! Yay! I've ALWAYS been obsessed with that country for some reason. Their music, mythology, accent, celtic culture, etc... i ADORE them.
I'm gonna try to go to the restaurant owned by Clannad, or maybe see the group Altan... I hope i can see a celtic music presentation live.

I'm SO EXCITED, and SO FRIGGIN SCARED!!!! DX

Stupid social phobia -__-

I haven't read much manga lately, since the release schedule of my fave series is pretty irregular, the internet service here in Mexico makes you want to shoot yourself in frustration due to the slowness (resulting in me avoiding the net like the plague), aaaand i've been busy as hell, so i don't have much to talk about in that department.

Instead, i've been reading my "Harpers Trilogy" (Elfshadow, Elfsong, and Silver Shadows) by Elaine Cunningham. I adore moon elves and quirky bards, so these books are some of my favourites,  and have also been reading the "Mage Wars trilogy" (The Black Gryphon, The White Gryphon, and The Silver Gryphon) by Mercedes Lackey. These books feature one of my favourite characters of all times, Amberdrake, who is a healer and empath (i would DIE if i found a boyfriend like him... or like Drizzt Do'Urden- the dark elf- they're too good to be true). They also feature TONS and TONS of Gryphons and other intelligent magical beasties.

I love my books  :)

The other day i read a book. This book did something weird to me.

 For some strange reason (pretty obvious actually, but still unexpected), it invoked in me a sort of pain and anger that i barely managed to suppress, the intensity of my feelings almost too much to bear.

 I felt in shock, and frankly also kinda scared.

 The book explained a lot of apparently normal events from my past in such a different way, that many things that up until now had always confused me, that had never felt quite "right" suddenly (VERY suddenly)... clicked. I could see them in an extremely clear fashion. It was as if a bandage was lifted from my eyes and without warning my world was exposed in raw detail.

And hell, it was not pretty.

It was sad, and pathetic, and maddening, and disturbing, and just a little bit... hopeful.

I really wanted to understand these things, but it was an emotional overload, and now i'm exhausted. I'm kinda in zombie mode right now. Not depressed, not happy, not anything.

I can't snap out of it.

It's strange, since i've read very similar books in the past, and none of them had such an effect in my inner universe.

This was a very good book, but so were the others.

What gives? 

Ok, it was a nice week.

It was my birthday on april 28. I went to a restaurant to eat french food, and then made my family watch a miyazaki movie with me >:D (i don't like parties, and anyways, it was a monday so yeah...)

But one of the big highlights of the week was that my brother, for the first time ever cooked something for me. It made me really happy, since he'd never done something like that for anyone before (that's what he said at least, but maybe he did and doesn't remember XD). I felt speshul.

I received the blueprints for my new house today. That was great. It's gonna be an interesting house, since i'm such an anime/fantasy freak. I have many anime toys and figurines, and a lot of unicorns, dragons, faeries, and cats that i'll be placing all over the place.

I also did an incredibly stupid thing today, and together with the annoying cold i caught yesterday, i'm feeling kinda miserable. I accidentally destroyed the last proof i had that I indeed studied animation as a career.
I...uh...killed my only copy of the thing and there isn't any way to recover the animation i created all by myself.
DOH!!!! (>.<)
It was about an elf guy (bishounen of course), an elf girl and a baby dragon.

*sigh*

It was pretty good, but nobody will know that now. ;___;

At least my paintings haven't caught fire or something, that would suck ass. I can still prove i'm a professional illustrator with those!

About anime and manga, Naruto is killing me with the drama, Tsubasa is killing me with the drama, xxxHolic is killing me with its freaking ONE MONTH hiatus, Nodame Cantabile is the best thing since sliced bread, and i'm having Loveless withrawal symptoms.

I just came back fom Japan. It was a great trip although i wanted to strangle the guide sometimes. I hate to be rushed. Fortunately, my previous trip was much less hurried so i didn't get as frustrated as i could have in some of the 5 min visits we made to some VERY IMPORTANT otaku places like Tokyo Tower, which i consider extremely important but the guide apparently didn't. >.<




The best part of this trip was that i got to see the Sakura trees in FULL BLOOM!!!! Oh god, that was breathtaking. And we were lucky, since i'm told they bloom like that for just a week. And after that week, i got to be inside the quintessential anime moment, which i will cherish forever and ever and then some... A rain of cherry blossom petals. ;__; I almost cried with the sheer joy i felt in that precious minute, when every CLAMP series, Yami no Matsuei and nearly every other anime i've seen flashed through my otaku mind.



I also got to see A LOT of places. More than the first time. The new places i went to were: Inside the Imperial Palace in Tokyo, Mount Fuji,  Kamakura (the town close to the Fujiyama), Osaka, Nagoya, the Ise Shrine, and other beautiful places in the Cities i'd visited before.

Another good point is that it wasn't so extremely tiring, since we had transportation unlike the first trip where i came back with purple ankles due to the grueling all-day walks, and needed 3 full weeks to recover from it (during those weeks i truly looked and acted like a wraith, scaring all unfortunate enough to cross my path XD).

Of course, i went to Akihabara... on a Sunday! The amount of people was staggering. Keep in mind i say this as someone who lives in one of the biggest cities in the world  0.0 And so many cosplayers! I found Haruhi Suzumiya for example...



I bought TONS of anime and manga related goodies. I think i made the ANIMATE store rich. I even got the free special CLAMP library card (yay) for buying a box of the latest CLAMP in 3D land, and a death note, and tales of phantasia special figures by sheer luck  from those figurine boxes you pick without knowing which character you're gonna get, although i was really unlucky with the Bleach gashapon capsule toys... i got 3 Kenpachis... 3!!!!!  OMG he was the ugliest of them all! No Ichigo, no Byakuya ;__;

Ah well...

I can't say i liked one trip more than the other. Both had very good and some bad things. I hope i can go back someday, WITH OTAKU PEOPLE! My family allowed me a total of 2 hours in Akihabara... 2 stinking hours >_< I needed at least 5 days and only another otaku can handle that! XD

Overall though, i'd say i'm a very lucky person :)



 

I colored a manga scan and made wallpapers (well, 3 versions of the same image actually ^_^;;) They are 1024x768

Hope you like 'em!

If you do, please let me know.

I just finished reading the 14 volume manga series "Tramps Like Us", it's original title being actually "Kimi wa Petto" or I am your Pet".

It's about a 27 yrs old woman who one night, after being cheated on and then dumped by her fiancee because she was taller, had better education and a better job than him, finds a big ass box dumped in front of her apartment complex. Inside it, she discovers a beat up young guy  (he's like 20 yrs old) passed out, that she takes pity on, so she lets him inside her apartment for the night. She cures him, and gives him dinner and then tells him to leave the next morning. 
But when she comes back from work the next day, the guy is still there. He begs her to let him stay, and to make the kid leave, she tells him that he can stay only if he...uh,  becomes her pet (of course, she's not serious and is fully expecting him to refuse).

Well, to her horror, the guy happily accepts, and Sumire (the woman) who despite being a super-career super-cute super everything you can think of girl is impossibly shy, can't bring herself to back off from her offer, so she gets stuck with a new human pet who she names "Momo", like her beloved, deceased dog from childhood.

The love story, the slow (but steady) growth of the 2 main characters who slowly heal each other, the fact that it's really hard to hate the "villains" 'cuz each one is delightfully developed and trying the best they can with the cards they've been dealt in life, the many times the characters fall and get up (just like real life), the tons of laughter an tears it inspired in me, made me a happy, lifelong fan of Yayoi Ogawa, the author of this wonderful josei series.

The only thing i have left to say is woooow... i loved it.


Oh... and I WANT A BOYFRIEND!!!!!! >.<

But that's kinda stupid, since i can't even seem to be able to take care of myself, and i'm still deathly afraid of meeting new guys. I mean, i'm over what happened to me last time and i don't regret it since i learned so much from my experience... although i do wish it hadn't been such a long relationship since it was gonna end in failure anyways. 8 years of the whole thing and then him finally realizing he didn't love me and calling off the engagement... i wish he had realized this by the fifth year or something! XD

But the thing is, my social phobia is really bad right now. It kinda skyrocketed some months ago with the depression i got from the deaths of last year and the robbery that same month, but this week something happened that kinda triggered most of my symptoms, and provoked an acute episode of my stupid phobia. The whole week, i've been completely out of it and social contact has been all but impossible for me these days. I just sort of stare into space and can't speak much even when spoken to.

I wonder if i should go back to my medication. I left it because i was told i was gonna be allowed to stop taking it sometime this year, and i was desperate to stop depending on such a thing, but i can't stand it anymore. Lately i've been constantly thinking on ending it all, and that hadn't happened to me for at least 7 years.

I'm a bit better right now though. I haven't experienced those really strong attacks that ended my career in the USA, although i've had a couple of mild ones during the week. They don't leave my body paralized for a whole hour like the ones i used to have in Seattle.  And the episode is not so bad that i refuse to leave the house when i really have to, or i'm completely silent when someone speaks to me. But i thought it was mostly over, and the fact that i'm still so sick makes me very sad and disappointed.

I think i might never be fully normal and that sucks.

Thankfully, most ppl i know in real life don't read this journal. They worry about me enough as it is without all this crap added to the load (if someone still does, then i'm sorry you had to see this).
It is lucky that most people don't realize how crappy i feel, they just think i'm simply in one of my "thinking moods", and i've been able to fake laughs and smiles when necessary.

Since i'm not gonna commit suicide or anything, it's pretty useless to be a drama queen in front of them. It's nice to be able to express how hopeless i feel in my journal though.

I'm not gonna LJcut this post, since hardly anyone ever reads my journal anyways, heh.


Manga / Anime part:

I've been reading a lot of manga.

I fell in love with "The Embalmer" by Mitsukazu Mihara, because it was very touching without getting sappy. It talks about the life and death of  different people , but it's actually more centered on the feelings (and sometimes the lives) of those that are left behind.
The main character is a late 20s or early 30 yrs old embalmer, who wishes to give his clients the opportunity to say one last goodbye to their deceased. The thing is, embalming is a very unpopular and misunderstood profession in Japan. It's frowned upon, so the guy encounters a lot of prejudice throughout the series. (They usually cremate their dead, so many asians have little knowledge of embalming).
The manga is episodic in format. There are 4vols. released in english and it's 5 vols. long in japanese.

Very enjoyable.

I also keep reading Loveless, which i worship in an almost disturbing fashion. I wonder what that series has that makes me so terribly obsessed with it. And my love for it shows no signs of weakening at all. In fact, it's the other way around.
The way both Ritsuka and Soubi have been slowly growing emotionally is delightful to see, even if they suffer so much in the process and make plenty of mistakes. I can't believe i've grown to care so much for the well-being of 2 blotches of ink.
It's truly baffling.

I'm still following Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles (SOOOO DAMN GOOD!!!) xxxHolic (Please! Get ON with it, CLAMP... I can't take it anymore), Inuyasha (Finally reaching its last chapters, oh don't you dare die Miroku ;___;) Naruto (GO Sasuke!!! i'm rooting for you winning your current fight with Itachi without falling completely to the dark side, and i mean keeping your sanity AND your eyes XD), and some other series that i won't mention due to a sudden bout of extreme lazyness.

I'm watching D.Gray Man. (the anime) Komui Lee is LOOOVE (although i often really want to smack him! hes such a prick sometimes) and the adorable Allen kills me with sweetness. He awakens and amplifies my mothering instincts in a way only Ritsuka and -to some degree- Soubi from Loveless surpass. I kinda hate General Cross Maria for now. I wonder if my opinion of him will change as i watch the rest of it.

I'm impatiently waiting for the release of the first half of the Blood+ anime on DVD. I really liked it. Drama, action, fluff, vampires, a cool heroine, with an even cooler servant (i can't have enough of Hagi), and very interesting secondary characters and antagonists... This series has it all to make me a sickeningly happy otaku. 

I'm also gonna buy SpeedGrapher. Sometimes it was quite disturbing, but the dynamics of our society that the story depicts are often worse in real life. Utimately, it's very very good.  I really felt for the baddie in this one. :(  He was so damn tragic!
_________________

Non manga/ anime part:

Hnnnn....

I had such a busy weekend,  i'm tired as hell.

A lot of people would find what i did really fun, but for me it was just exhausting. I had a mini movie marathon on friday, a very elegant dinner party on saturday, another party (a birthday) this sunday morning and a Oscar party (where i ended up in last place due to only having seen Ratatouille and a disgusting lack of intuition >.< ) this afternoon. It was ok  though, since the last oscar party i went to, i won and got the Lord of the Rings trilogy  special edition, heh.

For me, this weekend was a bit too much. I think i handled it pretty well, but from time to time i just wanted to run screaming to my house and never come out again.

It's even hard for me to talk to people in the net. I find it quite intimidating, so face to face contact is... *shudder* DX

*sigh* I wish i was normal, but i'm working to be more sociable. I still hate many things about socializing but i'm slowly (SLOOOOOOWLY) getting better.

For some reason, most people i interact with never notice i'm so afraid though. They say i'm quite cheerful and overall normal, and easy to get along with. I find that pretty weird. Hell, I even shake and sweat with nervousness so i don't understand why they don't notice. Anyhow, I sure am insanely glad of the fact that i'm able to successfully  hide how scared i am of them. It wouldn't pay to look as weak as i usually feel.

Of course my close friends notice it sometimes, after all, they know me pretty well and i have no qualms about complaining about that with them 'till their ears fell off, so they simply cannot fail to notice Nyahahaha! >:D

It was today, a year ago... I miss you so much.

I can't say i was completely unprepared for your death when it happened, since the doctors told us about 2 days before you left, that nothing could be done to save you. But even if i had some time to say goodbye, it still hurt so much...

When it finally happened, for some reason i couldn't feel anything. I was almost completely numb.

Then, after a while i lost my shields, and so many thoughts, so many feelings and raw pain flooded me that i could barely cope.

It was like drowning.

The sadness in your eyes and voice, when i told you i had to leave your side for a while the last time i saw you healthy.
The fact that you couldn't even hear me and know i was there with you while you were in the hospital.
The intense pain reflected in your face when you had those tubes all over your body.
My foolish certainty that you had many more years to live, as if people were immortal, and loved ones all the more.


And today, just like you disappeared from my life, it's the last time i'm gonna be able to see your home.  It's another goodbye i was unprepared for. They just told me a week ago they were gonna sell it.

 I'm so weak. It's pretty lame to feel so sad for losing a house. And no one else here seems to be feeling too bad about it. What's wrong with me? I guess i must be too whiney.

It is a very special place for me, full of beautiful and sad memories. I don't feel ready to close that cycle and yet it's still gonna happen today.

So, all that's left to say is Goodbye "Rio del Oro"

Thank you for everything. I'll always remember.

Always.

Pfft! Check this out... I'm abnormal. Nyaha!

You Are 40% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

I haven't had such a good start this year. I missed a deadline for a class i was planning to take, and i also broke a promise with a close friend.

The class thing still baffles me. I don't know what in the world happened. My fear of people took over and i avoided doing something that would expose me to strangers. I thought i was beyond that childish behaviour already.

Shoot.

The promise... well i was gonna go visit my friend Blanca (who lives in Pachuca, which is a different city from where i live) because the 19th is her brithday, but that's the same day my G. Ana died last year, so the whole family decided to make a little celebration in her honor exactly on that date.
 I had declined the invitation to the party, because i'd rather honor the dead with living my life happily (the way the would have wanted to see me).
Besides, my friend's visit was planned first.

But then they told me something that changed my plans. They said that this family party was also the last time i was gonna see G. Ana's house, since they're about to sell it.

I have so many memories in that house that it's impossible for me not to go for one last visit.  It means closing a long, very important part of my life, and it hurts quite a bit just thinking i'm never gonna see such a beloved place ever again. That was not supposed to happen yet since they said they weren't gonna sell the house. But it's happening and it kills me.
I just HAVE to say goodbye.

Hn, it makes me so sad... and I also feel so guilty for not visiting my friend since she actually changed her schedule just to be able to hang out with us 3.

I hope the year gets better after this.

Huh... so it's almost over, and I survived one of the weirdest years i've ever had.

If i hadn't lived such intense things like my trips,  or the adoption of my horse, and such comforting, simple routines like my monthly dose of Loveless and Tsubasa, and my anime sessions with my friends, i would've fallen into the hole of despair that threatened me whenever i had enough time to think.

To think back on how horribly this year started.

It was all a rollercoaster, deeply painful events and unbelievably good situations happening one after the other in rapid succession, and i was certainly left in a daze.
I still feel thoroughly confused  from time to time.
Breaking in laughter just seconds before an uncontrollable fit of tears takes me over, is one of the strange behaviours i've had to get used to during 2007. It happens pretty often and i cannot seem to control it.

But i'm grateful for the people and events that prevented me from sinking beyond my own ability to recover, for when i was down there... all lost, someone would reach out and pull me up again.

I wonder what 2008 will bring. For starters, i have a huge project already. A house to remodel... my very own first house.

2008. It should be interesting, thats for sure.

Wow!

I stop checking the Loveless Zero Sum community for a bit, and when I come back i start reading about someone stealing the credit for scans and translations, and find out they've even posted them outside the community when it is expressly forbidden to do so.

People can be so STUPID sometimes, i mean it's not a difficult rule to follow. And when they break the rules, of course they fuck all of the people who had nothing to do with their less than funny antics. Of course they make the ones who scan and translate not want to keep doing so, and i can fully understand that. I'd be pissed off too.

I truly feel for the mods, it's definitely a thankless job the one they do.

Hell! It makes me SO ANGRY!  And i saw these posts so late it's kinda pointless to post my annoyance in the community.

Whatever... i guess they don't need more people saying the same things over and over again anyways.

Yess!

I finally got my dragon design approved.

I also made an appointment for my first riding class. It's gonna be on a tame, female horse 'till i'm confident enough to ride my Syaoran. He's too big and uh... energetic for a newbie rider like me to handle properly. I gotta train first.

I have to find a drawing class with live models.

I NEED to buy the last book in the Bedlam's Bard saga!! "Music to my Sorrow", i'm about to get to the one before that one and it takes me about 3 or 4 days to finish a book, so i gotta buy it YESTERDAY.

 About this week's Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles chapter (ch.174).... HOLY SH++!!!!!

Nnonoonononononono!

I don't want RealSyaoran to die!!!!

That would suck sooo much it's not even funny. I like him much better than CloneySyao T__T 
Stupid Sakura, can't she do something other than scream and watch the 2 guys kill each other? Sheesh...

But the interaction between Seishiro and Fuuma was made of AWESOME. They rock my socks!

The colour illustrations for this chapter were really beautiful, but their meaning so CREEPY!

I wonder if they're actually dead or just sleeping...

Now let's see what happens here, and also in Loveless.

And about my current mood...*Sigh*... My mom keeps telling me her problems and i sometimes snap since i get really anxious with some of the stuff she tells me. (it happend just now).

I snap and tell her to correct the problem since it causes her so much distress (suggesting several options of course) But sometimes people just wanna be heard, they don't really want answers for their problems. I'm such an ass, i keep forgetting that, but at the same time, since she vents with me, she feels better for a little while and does nothing to actually fix the problem, exposing herself to it over and over again...I seriously never know what to do. If i don't listen to her and she keeps it all inside, she ends up in the hospital because she tends to somatize her stress (she has had more surgeries than all the people i know).  =___=

So FRUSTRATING!

I've been reading manga and watching anime all day long for the past week.

The best thing i read was "Genju no Seiza" by Matsuri Akino. It's a true jewel for the fans of "Pet Shop of Horrors" and a great place to start for someone who has never read manga before, since its episodic, and manages to be dramatic, deep, and quirky at the same time (but fans of Matsuri Akino would of course expect this) ;D

 It's in the same universe and frame time that 'Shin Pet Shop of Horrors', and it's about a modern-day japanese teen who is the reincarnation of a God from a Holy (but erm... tiny) country. He desperately wants to be normal, since his power has given him nothing but misery in the past. But with a god's power (barely controlled, of course) , a bunch of guardian beasts either trying to crown him (the phoenix) or kill him (the dragon claims the guy's a fake), a bunch of people and ghosts practically screaming for his help, and other such occurences... normal life is the last thing he's gonna get.
Nothing terribly new, i know, but the way Matsuri Sensei tells the tale is definitely worth checking out... Oh, And i ADORE Hanuman, the monkey guardian! He's the cutest thing ever (in both his human and monkey forms).

It's 4 volumes so far in english, and i can't wait to put my greedy little otaku hands on the fifth installment. There's a bonus story at the end of vol4 featuring none other than our beloved Count D!!!!!!, who is a pal of the most powerful guardian beast in Genju no Seiza, the Kirin (or unicorn).

Now, about my life this past few days...

 I was supposed to start learning how to ride my horse Syaoran this week, but i had a horrible case of  a 'piercing gone bad' and i had to go through surgery to get rid of the consequences. Pfft!  It looked like an alien was about to pop from the piercing. The alien grew and grew and looked positively disgusting. It was some kind of tumor, they said.
During surgery, it was really weird to hear the doctors cutting, burning, and sewing my skin. When the man said "hand me the scissors" i wanted to get my butt up and run for my life!!

Now i'm going through radiation therapy so the thing doesn't grow ever again. It's kinda weird, cuz when they start the radiation machine, a red light starts flashing and a (not so noisy) siren goes off in the room... just like in the movies when a secret base is about to self destruct. I found it funny.

The cut hurts, but i don't mind much cuz i'd rather be in pain than be the host of an ugly ass alien.

The bummer is that i'm absolutely forbidden to get tattoos or more piercings ever again... THAT sucks much more than getting rid of the alien did. :(

Ah well... my dream of a beautiful tribal art hummingbird tattoo on the ankle just went down the drain. *sniffle*

This last "Day of the Dead" i actually felt sad.

I've lost loved ones (people and animals) in the past, but the
ones i lost this year were more heartbraking for some reason,
and i guess i still am not over them yet.

We prepared a little altar with small offerings in front
of their pictures for the Day of the Dead, and it made me
remember them clearly when they were alive (since the
 offerings have to be things that they used to like... like food,
flowers, toys or whatever you can think of).

That was kinda painful.

Besides, i'm getting really frustrated because since they
died, i've been completely unable to draw  =__=

The trip to Japan helped a lot, and cold weather makes
me happy, but I still gotta pull my act together, and  SOON!

I wanna draw my winged character Dag!!!! T__T

 Aughhh... =___=

I haven't been able to sleep at night since i came back from Japan, so i sleep all day long. The first days were jetlag, but now? i wonder what's happening since it's different from my usual sleeplessness.

Before, i could control whether i slept during the day or night (i usually slept from 4:00am till 11:00am) and if i wanted to go to bed earlier or later, i could do so without much trouble, but now i roll in my bed till 7:00am without being able to actually sleep, and then i'm pooped the whole morning and afternoon!

The trip was great though, and Japan was everything i wanted it to be and more :D

I bought many bishie figurines, t-cards (loveless, something else, and xxxHolic cards wheeeee!!!), cell straps (Japanese ppl LOOOVE their cell straps, they hang like 10 or more in a single cell phone! o,O;;; ) ,art books, and toys (gashapons are CHEAP!). I haven't been able to sort them all out.
It's paradise over there, and i ADORED their clothes.

Besides i was able to see so many real life bishies (a lot of guys there DO look like anime characters) and got to visit many beautiful places... i could hardly believe my eyes.

I need to go back during spring, fall and winter though. I need to see each of Japan's seasons. I went during the least flashy one so i HAVE to go back.

Oh, and i bought a Zero Sum so i could have an original Loveless chapter... but October's stoopid chapter was 4 PAGES LONG T___T It was one of the shortest i've ever seen!!! , so that's my one and only Zero Sum. The one with almost no Loveless.
The chapter was intense though, and that saved the mag from being thrown away, heh.

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, xxxHolic, and Naruto are keeping me on the edge of my seat (just like Loveless) so i read them even while i was in Korea and Japan! Couldn't help it, it's like a drug.

The Otaku-ness is too strong in my blood.

Im in Korea right now... 

I went to the Royal Family Palace and noticed that EVERYTHING, the throne for the king, the clothes, the buildings, etc are almost exactly the same designs used in the anime The 12 Kingdoms. I was so happy and surprised to see a real life version of the 12 kingdoms universe! Korean culture is very rich and really interesting. I had no clue about it. 

I've eaten the traditional Korean full course meal, slept on the floor ermm... every day (also a Korean tradition, which i definitely don't care for... but my hosts are waay too traditional in some aspects) I visited Buddhist temples (stayed in one for 2 nights actually, with the monks and all, and prayed to a big Buddha statue at 4am.) i've gone to the top of a mountain and to the ocean, to a beautiful island called Nami (I immediately thought about "One Piece" !!! XD), I saw the exact moment when the season changed from Summer to Autumn (it literally changed from one day to the next. i couldn't believe my eyes)  also explored the city of Seoul thoroughly, and even went to a public bathhouse with like 5 different kinds of Sauna rooms! 

Woooooow... I'm kinda exhausted and the heat was positively killing me for a while >.<, but its been simply MARVELOUS. 

Oh! and i went last night to eat ramen at a really dingy restaurant, nothing special about it... but then i allmost fell over when i noticed what they were showing in their little TV screen... the DeathNote live action movie! @;@ It was... well... weird (in a good way) I guess I simply can't relate normal restaurants to anime/manga themed stuff yet.

Anyhoo, I hope i have enough energy for my 2 week visit to Japan. It would suck if i was too tired to enjoy it..Uhmmm.... nah, there's no way in hell i can be so tired not to go absolutely nuts with fangirly glee when i finally get to Japan X3

I wonder where it was that i read that Loveless is not gonna have a very uhhh... happy ending. Was it a rumour? Did Kouga Yun say so?

I hope i was hallucinating, cuz i really REALLY wanna see a happy Ritsuka x Soubi pair. I don't wanna feel llke i did when i finished Godchild... Good ending, and very adequate, but oh SO DEPRESSING !!!!!!

In other news, I'm going to Japan the 20th and i'm nervous as hell!!!

I travel a lot (i'm at the beach right now, in Acapulco- Mexico), but for some reason i get nervous every single time i go out. I'd rather stay in my cave reading Loveless, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles or any other manga i'm currently attached to (or well... obsessing over XD )

People scare me. That's the problem.

But i've always wanted to see the land of manga, heh... The culture fascinates me, and i'm a sucker for beautiful landscapes  and places where old meets new. Too bad i don't remember anything about my japanese language class ToT

Anyways, I hope it's a good trip.

I'm gonna be gone for a month... 15 days in Korea, 15 days in Japan.

Ahhhhhhh!!!!!  Scared..... D:

And i haven't seen my horse Syaoran in a whole MONTH!!! Poor thing, i'm such a bad mom.

Gotta pull my act together NOW.

Noooooooo!

I lost my november and december 2006 Loveless chapters!    D:

And one of them was the one that had soubi's past (when he was given to seimei) 

WHYYYYYY?!!

It's not in my computer anymore and i cant find it in the net (the download links are all DEAD! *sniffle*

Stupid chapter 53....